Little miss Muffet

“Little miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey,
Then came a spider which sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.”

Persephone Muffet (Pet) was on her way to the T.U.F.F.E.T. (Terre-formed Universal Friendship Facility, Extraterrestrial Terminal) in her best gear. The boots were mid calf with a cheeky little fringe, pointy toes and three inch heels. Quite conservative really, on long legs topped by a cute mid-thigh mini in alligator skin plastic.
Her pert pear-shaped breasts were tinted a fetching shade of blue, but of course her belly button was decorously covered by her cummerbund; she wasn’t that kind of a girl! She thought her hair was a bit ’last year’, but big hair was still in, it was just the beads? Anyhow she was looking real ’ice’ and ready to meet some sophisticated Adam from the colonies.
Jolo and Spam, her best girl buddies were there already and after sprinkle of stardust and a mutual complement session Persephone coded for a private booth.
It was sort of spooky inside, just a faint blue light and that dead air no sound after the doors sealed. She never got it straight, did they come here or she go there? Bernard her brother was such a data-pusher, always going on about matter transporters, chronographic anomalies and stuff. Still it would be nice to know.
Something shifted in the gloom and Pet gave an involuntary shudder of anticipation. Would he, it had to be a ‘He‘, be ice? Hopefully tall, silver skin, wild eyes; she could always hype up the details for Jolo and Spam.
He seemed kind of short, all bundled up on the far side of the seat, difficult to see. Pet reached forward, palmed the light, and yipped with shock. Bad manners! He was wearing a really sad red number, sort of candy striped with a thin white line. Red was so last year and as for stripes!
Well this was a far-Adam from the colonies for sure, even so! Pet was just choked, but determined to be sophisticated there was no polite way to leave until the booth timed out, so she gave a weak giggle, hooked one long leg over the other and said,
“Hi!” Sqiffle sqiff noises issued from the translator, then,
“Hello I am a friend”.
“Yes of course you are” said Pet, “we don’t have to go through that stuff. Tell me what you do, what’s ice back home, wherever that is?” Splurge, splat squiffle said the translator, then,
“I’m sorry I don’t understand your question. Please tell me if you are male of female?” Wow, that’s more like it, Pet thought, and gave him her best sultry look.
“I’m female, come and sit down beside me” Pet said, giving an encouraging wriggle.
“What happened next was yuk!” said Pet later, giving her friends Jolo and Spam the juice of her meeting. “He stepped over, all eight hairy legs, crazy red eyes, fangs and all, then I got to look at his socks! Well I screamed and punched the emergency get out.”
“I’d have done the same” said Jolo.
“Me too” said Spam “ Green socks, how gross!”


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About mikeinkwazi

I am in my seventies and live in the west coast of Scotland, with the sea at the bottom of my garden. I have been variously, a sculptor an art teacher, designer, inventor, organic grower and last but never least, a blue water sailor. By the way, I have been telling stories and writing nonsense all my life!

3 responses to “Little miss Muffet”

  1. justmoo33 says :

    Laugh-out-loud genius!

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